Friday, April 13, 2007

Adventures In Shopping

I went shopping this evening. I put Wesley to bed at 6:30, and had plenty of time to run to the mall for the huge sale that JC Penny was having. I was in desperate need of a cute top for the big party tomorrow. Jenn’s husband is turning 30, and she is having a huge bash for him.
So I want a new top for it.
I realize I have plenty of tops. But they are boring and I hate them. I need something NEW.
So Cory came in from mowing the lawn, and we debated if I could just wear something that I already owned, which we mutually decided that NO, I can’t wear something I already own. Why? Because I said so. That’s right, I pulling that out.
So indeed, JC Penny was having a wonderful sale. They are turning 150 this week, so almost everything in the store was on sale. I had collected several cute tops to try on, and was heading through the juniors section to the dressing room.
Now, I can actually wear clothes from the juniors department. I don’t normally. Mainly because they are too tight, or too short. (you can’t show tummy, no matter how flat it is if you are almost 30-this I feel certain about) But some suits in the junior department caught my eye. They were HALF PRICE. Half! For a two piece suit! So I grabbed my size and headed into the dressing room.
I tried on the suit last. All of the tops fit (of course because I didn’t want to spend that much-if I had a ton of money to spend none of them would have fit) so I moved on to the suit.
First, the skirt. It was so cute. Ivory with a navy pinstripe. Cute little matching sash. Very nice pencil type, it reached right above the knee. Perfectly acceptable for work.
So then, the jacket. I unbuttoned the jacket, and slid it on my arms. There was some slight resistance over my arms. I kind of shrugged my arms back and forth and it slid right on.
Since my pregnancy, I can honestly say, my body is exactly the same as it was before. Except for two things. My hips are a bit wider, but not too much, because I wear the same clothes that I wore before my pregnancy, and my arms.
My freakish arms.
For some reason unbeknownst to myself. My arm muscles have, I would say, possibly tripled in size. About six months after Moose was born I was sitting at the computer and Cory ran his hand from my neck to my arm, and exclaimed, “Damn honey your bicep is HUGE!” And he was right. For some reason-possibly the 25ish pound baby I pick up, set down, carry around, repeat… my arms muscles are huge.
So 18ish months after my pregnancy I was standing in a dressing room at JC Penny during a great sale, and I got myself stuck in a jacket.
I swear, I did not force my arms in that jacket. Really. But when I tried to take it off. It. Would. Not. Come. Off.
It only came as far as the beginning of my bicep. Then it stuck. On both arms.
I shimmied, I shook, I jumped up and down.
Mild panic.
I had managed to slid it slightly down, just enough to effectively pin both of my arms behind my back, trapped within the cute little cap sleeves. With the navy pinstripes.
Slightly more panic.
My face started to get a bit hot.
Especially since the entire fitting room was stuffed with women. Women who were trying on Prom dresses and such. Women who were waiting in line, for my dressing room.
Women who might be able to help me out of this damn jacket?
But I couldn’t even get the door open with my arms pinned behind me. I stood there, panic rising. Shaking back and forth a little more violently now.
Lots of panic.
I freeze. One of the sleeves must have ripped a bit, because one of my arms managed to slid through the micro sized cap sleeve hole.
One arm free.
Of course, with one arm free, I could use it to free the other arm, because without the muscle flexed, it slid right out. It was slightly red. I am not making this up. The damn thing practically bruised my arm.
I threw it down into the pile of clothes on the floor, like it was the jacket’s fault. Not like it was mine or anything. Then I picked it up, put it back on the hanger.
No noticeable problems with the hem, so I put it back with the rest of the clothes.
And promptly got the hell out of there, before one of the other jackets managed to wrap itself around my arm and trap me there.